Many of you know that I am a night owl, and I get much of my work accomplished at night while everyone is sleeping. And now thanks to the new scheduling feature on Facebook, I can schedule my posts in advance without it looking like I never sleep. Any who, before I go on a sleep deprived rant, I just posted this over on my page:
"You'll hear it a thousand times as a photographer, "Don't compare your work to someone else's". But to be honest, it's the hardest thing NOT to do. You question everything about your work, why you aren't famous, why you aren't successful, etc. And the whole time you are trying to define your own style, stay true to your own style, and make waves at the same time."
I'm going to be completely honest, and tell you something, and this is me baring my soul... I want to give this up.
Every. Single. Day. Owning your own business is tough to begin with, but when your job is that of photography, in which you literally put your heart and soul on the line to be judged every time you post an image, as an artist... you must be crazy. Which I suppose why people think most artists are crazy.
This job is not stable. I work harder than I ever did at a regular job working for someone else. The finances are up and down. The scheduling, while I am grateful I get to make my own schedule, I have sacrificed a lot of my time. A lot of time with my daughter, with my family, and with my friends. There were many events that I missed with family and friends because I was photographing weddings, and any other gig that would come my way. I was essentially the starving artist.
Almost every day, I want to give up. I want to sell off the equipment, gear and props that I have acquired, and go back to something stable. Something where I don't have to push for my own creativity. I am told what to do, how to do it, and get paid for it.
And then I remember. I remember the reason why I started my business in the first place. Another photographer told me I couldn't do it, and being the person I am, I had to prove them wrong. The drive to prove them wrong kept me going. And then as time went on, many people, including my husband believed in me, more than I believed in myself, and they helped me build myself as an artist and as a business woman. I couldn't just simply give up on them because the struggle is not what I expected. And then there is my daughter. I have a career, that while it may not stable, I am able to be at home with her, every single day, and I don't miss anything. I get to watch her as she grows, as she learns, and she turns from an amazing baby into the most amazing child I know. Then of course there is the instant gratification I get knowing that I capture the love between families, the moments I capture, making mothers and women feel like a million bucks with my skills.
Am I where I want to be? Nope! Nowhere near it in my eyes. Am I going to get there? I hope so! I have worked too hard not to keep going. And I just can't give up now. I've been invited into too many lives, witnessed and documented too many weddings, too many families going from two to three and more. Am I successful? Still working on it. Everyone has their own definition of success. I know that I am not where I want to be, and I am continuously working on getting there. The hardest part is not knowing for sure if I am going to accomplish what I set out to.
It's a struggle yes. And every time I find a reason I want to give up, I find 101 reasons why I shouldn't. It's a constant learning experience. I clap and jump and giggle when I learn how to do something new in Photoshop. I genuinely get joy out of what I do, no matter how hard it is, and that is why I stick with it. My husband likes to tell me that it took Pixar 12 years to become the powerhouse in animation that they are today, so don't give up. I'm still "new".
So here's hoping that one day I can have an amazing story like Pixar.
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